


The Way We Were

by WanderingMidnight



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: (I'm not sure if this is considered unrequited love but eh), Angst, Brief spoilers for Edelgard's past, F/F, I'm Sorry, Unrequited Love, Very little dialogue, Why Did I Write This?, like almost none, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:34:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21521488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingMidnight/pseuds/WanderingMidnight
Summary: Edelgard ponders over how she feels towards Byleth - and she wishes she could forget. She knows, and she just doesn't want to think about it.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 2
Kudos: 58





	The Way We Were

**Author's Note:**

> Angst oh sweet angst
> 
> I'll try to write a fluffy sequel to this I swear
> 
> Also this was very much rushed, I am so sorry for whatever you are about to read

Edelgard wishes she could forget her past. The terrible experiments that were conducted on her, the trauma, the hole that the experience tore in her heart - everything. Her siblings, their cries for help. If only she could shut them away, she thinks that everything would be so much easier.

And so, she cries. She is careful not to make a sound as tears slowly fall from her eyes and drip to the floor, drop by drop. She bites her lip to keep her sounds down. She cries, because she feels a little better when she does, and nobody hears her. She wishes that she could forget whenever she tears up.

But when she thinks of the present, strangely, she also cries.

Her time at the Academy is supposed to be happy, it's supposed to have been the best time of her life, and yet...why does she weep? Why does her heart feel so heavy whenever she remembers her professor? Edelgard has yet to fully grasp her emotions, and fate still wants to play this unfair game with her. It's so frustrating.

Looking out the window, watching the stars dot the night sky, there is nothing but silence in the air. She has run out of tears to shed tonight - she is left only with her thoughts and feelings, the ones that she's since kept away in her heart. Her professor's disappearance had hit her harder than even she expected, and the worst part is that she doesn't know _why._ Is it because she'd been the only one Edelgard had revealed her deepest secrets to? How about the time they spent bonding with each other over cups of bergamot? Fate does not have a concrete answer for her, no matter how much she asks. Perhaps, Edelgard thinks, these memories that she holds dear, the most precious moments in time, are actually not all that important?

 _No._ Each and every one means something to her. They _are_ important. But...it's been three years since her teacher's disappearance. Three years since it felt like a huge burden had been placed on her shoulders, and hers alone. Does she really have any hope of reliving them at all? Whether her efforts of finding Byleth and her hopes that she would someday return were all in vain, Edelgard doesn't know either.

She only wants to go back to the way they were, when everyone was happy and everything peaceful. Those times have long passed, but she still holds on fast. She can't let go. She _knows_ war was unavoidable, and it feels so lonely now. Like a piece of her is missing.

Sighing to herself, she places a hand on the glass of the window pane in contemplation. The scenery outside is as quiet as it was earlier, the trees undisturbed and no one walking around. She hates being left alone with her thoughts, it forces her to think about things she doesn't _want_ to think about, and she can only ask questions about it all.

Why it hurts just to think about it, she already knows. The emotions she feel without fail, she doesn't have to be told twice about _what_ they are. She just doesn't let herself sink too deep into it, because she knows it'll just make her feel worse. Then, the tears would come back to her, and she would cry again, a part of her hoping she'll forget it when she does, like how she always did, albeit temporarily, with both her past and her present. She is silent when she cries. Only a single, muffled sound is let out. Everything else is swallowed down and bottled back up, the way she always hides them from the rest of the world.

It's love that she feels, isn't it? What else could it be? Edelgard can't find the words to describe it properly. A warmth that fills her when she's next to Byleth, a sensation that satisfies her heart and puts her mind at rest. Comfort, happiness, a feeling of safety - love is exactly that and many other things, a deep passion.

Yet, it is also a haunting feeling, regret and a coldness that fills you instead of the warmth that is always spoken of in fairy tales and children's books. An emptiness that leaves your heart aching and dissatisfied, a hurricane that makes your head spin with confusion. Love is a confounding concept.

Between the two sides of the coin, Edelgard finds herself on the worse end of the spectrum. Emptiness, confusion, coldness - it is all she feels when she thinks of Byleth. It's all the more reason to want to forget, but the foolish her doesn't want to let go. A prison that she has locked herself in willingly, and she obediently sits within the iron bars, hugging her knees. All over again, she cries.

Why can't she forget for even a single moment? No matter how many drops of liquid race down her cheeks, no matter how many sounds she prevents from escaping her, her usual method doesn't work. It's so _irritating_. The world around her is quiet, but the world inside her mind rages on with emotions she can't even fully grasp. All she has to do it reach out for them, but she won't catch anything. Pointless, pointless, there is no point in even trying. When she tries to reach her hand out, trying to find an answer for herself, she doesn't understand it.

"I'm here, please don't leave me."

Even though she wants to say those words so badly, who would they even reach? She can't say it, she can't bring herself to. Over and over again, she gets a blank reply.

"Don't go anywhere anymore, not again." Her heart _screams_ those words, an agonized cry. But it is in vain, for she is met with silence. As she thought, even though she wants to say it so bad, there is no point.

By the time the sky brightens up a little, the sun kissing the horizon, she finally understands. She understands it enough, to know that what she had lost far outweighed what she had gained.

**Author's Note:**

> *Bernadetta voice* Iamsosorry
> 
> (Thank you very much for reading though. Please let me know what you thought!


End file.
